I Will Wait...

God, what are you doing?

What is really going on?

…I don’t like where I am. I don’t understand the purpose.

I know you are mighty and that there is a reason for everything.

I know I need to endure and have perseverance and longsuffering and that I need to just wait.

But I’m lonely.


I’m exhausted. Weak. Tired. Bored.


I’m confused. Frustrated. Lost. Impatient.


I’m here….and that’s it.


I’m just here.


I want to do more than merely exist. I want to LIVE. And be free!! Free in you.


I want to feel you. I want to be embraced by you. Engulfed by you. Captivated by you…I just want you.


Because I know that in you there is EVERYTHING. Every need. Every want. Every desire is in you.


And by having you….it just doesn’t get any better than that.


God I know you have something big in store for me, I can feel it sooo strongly. So strongly I can almost see it. I can almost taste it and smell it and hear it.


My senses are tingling  in expectation.


I’m expecting you and I know you’ll come. So I wait.


But it seems like I’ve been waiting for a long time.


And as I wait the enemy comes and tries to shake me and tells me to make my own moves.


To make it happen for myself.


And as bad as this may sound… but bc I’m so desperate to hear something, and I’m not hearing you…I listen to him…and I do my own thing.

Trying to MAKE things work the way I think they should. In my efforts to make things happen, I fail.

I fail because I am weak. And I fall.


I go back to old habits. I go back to old friends. I go back to a lifestyle I was trying to avoid.


And now I’m more miserable than I began.


Regret and guilt are now standing over me, pushing down on my shoulders driving me deeper to the ground.


But you oh God, never let me out of your sight and always keep me on your mind. Even me in my mess.


And you remind me, that you died on the cross and are willing to forgive me no matter how far off I wonder.


You remind me that you are faithful and just and willing to forgive me of my sins and purify me of my unrighteousness, if I will confess to you….so I do.. and then you do

“Just what you said you would do. You always fulfill every promise to ME. I won’t give up on God, cuz he won’t give up on me. He’s Able…”

And because of that I rejoice.


And its moment like these oh God that remind me why I wait.


Moments like these that remind me why I fell in love with you in the first place.


Moments like these that remind me why I put my trust in you and you alone
God I thank you for being you. And I thank you for loving me. Despite my flaws.


Despite my breakdowns and my mess-ups.


You alone are God, and you alone sit on the thrown.


You alone give me life and breath.


You alone keep me in my right mind.


And in you alone will I trust


Forever and always,

Amen.